Tuesday, August 25, 2009

PlayTV - Say it ain't so, Derval?

Derval Mellett: "At least I don't have to eat Goulash anymore"

In a move that will shock Irish entertainment circles to the very foundations, it seems that TV3's stunning PLAY TV presenter Derval Mellett has parted company with the show.

Talented trained actress Derval was reportedly becoming increasingly unhappy at having to rip off a succession of boggers, skangers, pensioners and underage callers every other night with unsolvable quiz games in an 'interactive' show which 99.99999% of callers were never able to interact with. Things came to a head when Derval realised that her own grandmother may lose her house after re-mortgaging it to fund her  obsessive nightly PlayTV calls.

Also, Derval was frustrated at being paid only the minimum wage of the country in which the show is filmed - Hungary.

This means that PlayTV are left with just 2 of their crack presenting team - the suave boy-next-door J.G. and the shrill, slightly psychotic girl-next-door Fiona. Plans are afoot to quickly replace Derval with a losing contestant from TV3's recent 'Total eXposure' reality show. One of the fey ones, I'm guessing...

Derval meanwhile is being treated for exhaustion, swine flu and malnutrition in her Ma's place in Blanchardstown.  She has tentatively accepted an offer to appear in the Aladdin panto at the Mullingar Community Centre this xmas with Stephen Gately, Samantha Mumba (and her frankly odd alien-looking young brother), Twink, Derek Davies (as the genie), the Billy Barry Kids, the Scissors Sisters (who hope soon to be released temporarily, on good behaviour) and the bald guy with the tache who used to run the garage in 'Fair City'.

Plucky Derval is determined to bounce right back, as soon as she gets well, and is considering a request to do some work as a personal styling assistant at Dublin (and Europe’s) premier styling salon - Brown Cow.

Her mother commented that Derval's phone has not stopped ringing since she got back from Hungary.  "Most of them are prank callers though, saying very, very rude things".  "I wish they would just leave us alone", she sighed.

Derval has already begun work on her autobiography and may have some Hollywood roles in the pipeline, in forthcoming movies from directors such as Jonathan Demme, Stephen Spielberg and Sir Richard Attenborough (in the extremely unlikely event that any of them ask her).

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