Thursday, January 28, 2010

Breaking Bad - we are a part of the DVD nation

Got a cheap eBay box-set of the first series of Breaking Bad - the latest must-see, 'water cooler' show from the States, which even 99% of Americans have never seen.

Watched it all in a few hours today and have to admit, it's pretty damn good. It's been out for a couple of years on US cable but nobody has picked it up over here yet.

The basic premise is that a meek, world-weary, double-jobbing, high-school chemistry teacher discovers that, as he turns 50, he has terminal cancer and, through a series of incidents, resolves to make some serious money to leave to his pregnant wife and mildly disabled son in the inevitable event of his death.

The problem is that he goes about this by setting up an ad-hoc crystal-meth lab and then needs to worry about how to distribute the product, and how to interact with some very heavy-duty drug dealers...

The lead is played by Bryan Cranston (probably more known for his comedic skills as the father in Malcolm in the Middle. I think he has won best Emmy lead male actor for Breaking Bad in both 2008 &  2009.

Anyhoo - it's not quite The Wire or The Sopranos from what I've seen so far, but definitely worth watching out for. A little bit reminiscent overall of some Tarantino stuff and, at times, the Michael Douglas everyman role in Falling Down; there is even a McGyver moment!.

Hopefully TG4 will pick up on it, but you can pretty much guarantee that it will be shown at a post-post-post watershed hour, probably 1:30am:-( in the same way as classic American TV like Larry Sanders, OZ, The Wire and initially Seinfeld have always been treated on this side of the pond.

So, as with the Wire, it will only get its due credit 2 years later, when the show is over and word of mouth gets around and the Guardian TV critics and Charlie Brooker have orgasms about it, inciting millions to buy the box-set on DVD.

They never did that with Little House on the Prairie or the Cosby Show (or Fair City!)...

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Dublin cyclists - ignoring best practise...

Had the misfortune of being stuck in a red light traffic queue last Sunday while out on my bicycle in the late afternoon.

I had pulled over to the left, on a thin stretch of road, to wait for traffic to clear so that I could take a right turn without being run over.  There was a long delay as the upcoming traffic lights seemed to have malfunctioned... Unfortunately, a f*cking Garda car ended up right by my side and I was stuck beside them for a good 3 minutes.

Eventually, the smart-aleck bogger in the passenger side rolled down the window and asked me what I thought I was doing?  I hadn't murdered anyone recently, so was a bit confused by his question.

Got quite paranoid and was sh*tting myself  as I realised that it was getting dark and I had no back light on the bike because some skanger had stolen it at Killiney Shopping centre a few days beforehand and I hadn't got around to replacing it.  Also, my front brakes were f*cked, which was why I stopped in the first place, as they conditions were icy.

Was expecting to have the riot act read to me for not wearing a safety helmet or luminous vest (a man must maintain a style though...).

In the end, he just pointed at his ears and I realised I was wearing my MP3 inner-earphones (which was admittedly, really pretty stupid on my part, although I had them on lowest volume level). Anyhoo, with that, the lights went green and off sped the Boys in Blue to solve murders, set up a wire-tap, get some coffee or attend union meetings...

Just as well I didn't give them lip and particularly that they didn't blood-test me (might have been f*cked on that one)!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Michael Hampton wrecks 'Maggot Brain'

Think I posted another version of this tune previously.  This is Michael "Kid Funkadelic" Hampton burning the living sh*t out of the classic Eddie Hazel composition - P-Funk's gigantic instrumental masterpiece 'Maggot Brain'. 

Hampton had joined Funkadelic as a teenage prodigy in the late 70s, to accompany, then often replace Eddie Hazel, who was in and out of the group due to serious drug problems.

This is from a couple of years back.  There are loads more examples of this song on uTube - one where Hampton breaks 2 strings on his guitar but just improvises and amends his solo to workaround it.

The rythym section is occassionally a bit off on this, but that's really cos the whole Funkadelic family were (and probably still are sometimes) notoriously stoned/loaded on occasions (in an almost self-effacing cartoonish way).  I think as well they are under-rehearsed and are not sure how to keep up or slow down with Hampton.

The drummer, Rico Lewis seems particularly (ahem!) happy towards the end, and the bass isn't really locked in at times. Can't tell for sure who the second guitarist is (there may even be a third in the background)?, Looks like DeWayne McKnight on 2nd lead.  Must have been a time when money was tight 'cos normally P-Funk appear with at least 15 of their loose coalition wandering around stage on this number, even if the particular members are not playing.

Anyhoo, get the impression that Hampton would have played this solo all night if Lewis hadn't done the enforced wrap-up on the drums at the end. Maybe it was coming up to curfew time...

Great stuff anyway!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Wardrobe Malfunctions and Petrol Station Blues

The weather has been so bad lately, so I walked/slipped down to my local petrol station one cold Thursday evening, a couple of weeks back, to buy my usual 20 Marlboro Lights, bottle of dirt-cheap Chilean Chardonnay and various sundries, all designed to last a couple of days.

This particular Esso is staffed almost entirely by Chinese people, most of whom I know on a first-name basis and get along with really well but on this particular night there was a fairly new girl serving on the night-shift who was looking at my crotch area with a sense of horror. It was only then that I realised that my white underwear was clearly visible as my zip wasn't up on my highly classy Valentino jeans. Thank f*ck that nothing else was hanging out...

I remember bombing a promotion interview about 12 years back for doing the very same thing.  Have never worn a suit since then...

The Chinese girl then made a comment like "That is the 3rd bottle of wine you buy this week - why is that? you need to talk to Jesus or you ruin your life". On one level, she may have a point about my personal habits but I don't think anybody needs religion stuffed in their face, or personal advice from staff in petrol stations, in general.

Anyhoo, have been back there since and it seems that she has been given the boot (probably for being rude and ignorant to customers, or for telling unacceptable truths to them).

Monday, January 18, 2010

Bill Cullen - is he for real?

Bill 'King of the Skangers' Cullen and his horrific perma-tanned gold-digger life partner. Don't mean to be sexist on her but heard from a few people that she is an absolute b***h.

This inner-city skanger, used car salesman was on Marian Finucane's radio show on Saturday and couldn't believe some of the sh*t he came out with/was bragging about. Would love to pull the 'irish jig' off his gurrier head. I am paraphrasing (and inventing/over-elaborating somewhat), but some of the stuff he said was in the manner of:-

"Marian, I can remember when the 2nd world war ended. Me and all of me brudders shared one pair of shewes and slept in the outside toilet, so we did. We were so pooowerr, we ate each others shite, so we did, cos we couldn't afford food"

"Kids these days don't know dey are born"

"I duz relax in my place in Florida. Tiger Woods and people like dat duz be my neighbours"

"I will be the first Oirish man on the moon, so I will" Despite being at least 65, Bill has applied for Richard Branson's pay-as-you-go moon shot.

"I am not giving you my age bud I can still touch me toes, so I can. I duz do exercise every day, so I do"

"I usually wake up at 4am every morning, so I do"

"De banks duz be cumming after me, bud it is da same for all moddren biznezz peoples, so it iz"

"I don't like Fine Gayle"

"Meat Loaf doesn't know he's born, so he doesn't. '2 out of 3 ain't bad'? Well, if he was working for me, he had bedder sell ALL 3 95-reg Renault Clios off my forecourts, or he is out!  two out of three would not be good enough for me, I need warriors on my team, Marian."

"Marian, I go intta de skools, so I do, and teach the kids about harhhhd werk, so I doz. If I can sell a 91-reg Renault to one of demz for 3 K, dat's grate, even if dey iz a boy racer and will kill somebody with it."

"My dear mudderrr sold apples, so she did, on Mooooooore Streee for years....  We were lucky if we had the pips from an orange for dinner. Kids these days don't know when they are born, so they don't...

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Bass in your face - I Want You Back

Find this quite interesting... One of the great bass lines in popular music, but whodunnit?

Two isolated Mowtown bass parts on one of the seminal tunes:-

 1. Wilton Felder does 'I want you back'. He's playing upright fretless bass, though seems to hit a couple of stinker notes on it. I believe that Felder's version went out on the original Jackson 5 release. It seemed to work though...

2. The legendary Mowtown funk brother James Jamerson does a pitch-perfect 'Ain't no mountain high enough', using just his right index finger ("the claw").

Wilton Felder was a multi-instrumentalist (much more noted for his saxaphone playing) and got the gig as Mowtown had moved operations lock, stock and barrel to L.A. in the early 1970s. Wilton got more fame in the 80's when he had a big hit with a tune called 'No Matter how High I Get (I still keep looking up to you)' with Bobby and Linda Womack on vocals.

Getting back to 'I want you back', I had always assumed that James Jamerson or Bob Babitt must have played on the original of this, cos it sounds like an electric bass part - seem to recall that the riff was originally composed on a piano by someone else, whose name eludes me.

Certainly know that Jermaine (ooooohh my brother Michael would have loved this, can you give me a cheque now?) Jackson couldn't have had the chops to get this down when he was 14 and playing bass for the Jackson 5, although he did play some of their stuff live.

Anyhoo, Jamerson was Mowtown's #1 bass player but, like many of the original Funk Brothers, was hugely reluctant to leave his beloved Detroit and his family, friends, jazz and party buddies when Mowtown moved west, and unfortunately spent the ensuing years being bitter and drinking himself slowly to death (the feckin' eejit). 

People like Paul McCartney and John Entwhistle always cited the influence of 'that Mowtown guy' when describing their bass-playing influences.

One evening, Marvin Gaye stopped production on his classic 'What's Going On' album until Jamerson could be dragged in to play. James was found eventually and ended up playing his tracks whilst lying on his back, as he was so wasted at the time.

There is a sad story about Jamerson slipping quietly into the Mowtown 25th anniversary show in LA, having to scalp a cheap audience ticket from a tout, as nobody had thought to invite him and most of his then existing funk brothers didn't get invites either, even though they had played on hundreds of hits for the company.

Mowtown mogul Berry Gordy got conscientious (and probably more than a little bit guilty) in later years and finally gave carte blanche to the producers and director of the movie 'Standing in the Shadows of Mowtown' to tell the true story of the brilliant Mowtown musicians.

Unfortunately, Jamerson was a long time dead by that time...

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Seems that some people don't like Gerry Ryan

I warned my mom yesterday that Gerry Ryan would be appearing on the Late Late Show (she has just about accepted Ryan Tubs. as the new host but would switch off, or perhaps even give up on life completely, if G. Ryan was on).

I am a bit torn on this as I (very) ocassionally find Gerry quite amusing, at least on the radio.

He did eventually appear with Tubridy, to plug his latest TV gig:- Operation Transformation, which can be summed up as 'Lazy, fat, 20+ stone, fame-obsessed twits pat themselves on the back for losing 12 pounds in weight over a period of 3 months in the hope that they will die at age 65 rather than 50'.

Gerry also used his prime time TV appearance to introduce one of his daughters to the nation (I think her name was Lottie, something like that, but I wasn't paying much attention...). Can you imagine being named Lottie Ryan - that must be even worse than being called Majella or Assumpta, as girl's names go?

She came across as a new Irish version of Kelly Osbourne... Just what we need. Her boyfriend Fabio seemed OK but surely he could have put on an accent, if only to seem more exotic...

Back to Gerry - the meglomaniac, pig-faced, liver-lipped, overpaid DJ has given some strange names to all of his kids over the duration of his failed marriage - they all seem to have dog or porno names.

He makes constant references to them on his radio show ("well, when I took Rex, Lex, Pecks and my youngest - Panties - to Florida last month...") , when he is not constantly mentioning how great his Dockland's property developer buddy Harry Crosbie is. Give it a year and see how often he will be visiting Harry in Mountjoy...

He also seems strangely under-educated at times, given that his father was a dentist, he allegedly studied law, and presumably his family was quite well-off. He pronounces words in a completely unique manner as he muses on the weighty issues of the day, e.g.

Moy fawwdddhderr: (in Gerry language, that means 'my father')
Moy muddder: (in Gerry language, that means 'my mother')
Pay-dee-o-feeeell: (in Gerry language, that means 'paedophile', usually mentioned when a catholic priest scandal breaks)
Be very kurful: (in Gerry language that means 'be very careful')
Mizzsusss Royan: (in Gerry language, that means 'the woman who may or may not have a bad habit (sniff, sniff) but threw him out of his own house when she found out about certain stuff'.)

Anyhoo, as regards his TV show, if anyone needs to lose weight, Gerry might need to take a good, hard look in the mirror. Why RTE give this man Licence Payers' money to do television shows defies all belief, as he is a proven, long-standing, absolute disaster in that medium.

Came across this blog page on Gerry which is hilarious:-

Gerry Ryan blog

Particularly liked this entry:

"I would rather masturbate wearing a glove made of razorblades than listen to a minute of this fat, bulbous turd talking."

I am currently working on a vague plan to make similar postings on a certain:-
Patrick Bartholomew "Bertie" Ahern

Why are all of the worst Dubliners from the North Side?

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Here's to you Mrs. Robinson

Iris Robinson is instantly induced to orgasm by the very touch of her adonis-like (and god-fearing) husband's right elbow.

Wife of Norn Ireland's First Minister - Peter Robinson - and MP for Lagan, Iris Robinson seems to be in a
bit of trouble at the moment.  It appears that she had an affair with a mysterious stranger 18 months ago, during a 'period of depression'.

Something of a clanger for the ultra-right wing, family values, jesus-freak, European version of Sarah Palin.  Imagine there is a lot more to this breaking story (pieces just don't add up, I thinks!)...  An InterWeb sex video would be great - That could lead to the complete collapse of aspects of Northern Irish society and mass suicides around the finest salons and dining tables of certain sections of the Ulster elite.

Couldn't happen to a nicer pair of bible-bashing, backward, bigoted, ignorant, homophobic pieces of utter scum though.

Iris Robinson finds herself now guilty of 'abomination' in the eyes of the good lord.

Apparently, elaborate scented sexual aids (imported from South East Asia) were used during her filthy, lustful trysts, whilst her faithful husband Peter waited in vain in their family home for her to return to warm his slippers and cook his dinner. Surely this 'Eve-like' woman will burn in the eternal fires of hell for her sick sins.

Anyhoo, some speculation has emerged as to whom the 'other man' whom Satan tempted Iris to 'lie down with' might be:-

Suck this finger, you demon harlot!!!
It's showtime Iris!
Please say it is me? I need to divert attention from my paedo brother's story. I may never be asked to Washington again:-(
It could have been me. I am slimy enough to do anything. Just don't tell (the bishop)...
Despite biblical teachings on miscegination in the old testement, a deep fear has emerged in DUP circles that Iris may have been tempted by this dark serpent:-

I'm Tiger Woods. The strange muscle growth in my body since 2006 has nothing at all to do with steroids. I got it through good hard sex with dumb blondes, when my own dumb blonde wife wasn't looking.
Strangely, not unlike Tiger Woods, further suitors of Iris are currently emerging. One, who wished not to be named, described her as instatiable:-

"She was an animal in the sack;  she'd usually start with a wee bit of fellatio and then I'd move around to the back door.

After some time, she'd beg me to spank her while she recited verses from the Book of Revelations. She would often ask me to urinate in her eyes. Wasn't much into that, but it was obvious that Peter wasn't giving her what she needed at home... She had a good bod though for someone her age..."

Miles Davis - Suitcase of memories

The late, great Miles does a rendition of Cyndi Lauper's 'Time after time'. 

Many people could play horn with more flair than Miles, but he kept things relatively simple. My favourite story about Miles is when he attended some Ronald Reagan award event in the 80s. He was asked by some blue-rinsed Republican lady what he had done to deserve being invited to this momentous occasion.

The notoriously unkind Miles replied that he had re-invented music at least 3 times in his life, then asked the lady 'why the fuck are you here? Just cos you are an old white b*tch f*cking some senile senator?'.

Flashback to warm times always left behind...

Friday, January 1, 2010

Hanging on the telephone

Mobile phone etiquette can be a difficult proposition at times. Never more so than when you get an upgraded phone and lose half of your stored numbers or names.

For the last few days, I've been getting 'come and visit me' type texts from an unidentified ex. (An 'ex', in my 'male slut mentality' is just anyone you have slept with more than 3 times).

The problem is that I'm not sure who the particular 'ex' is though, as they haven't signed any of these texts.  Based on the appalling grammar, I have narrowed it down to 2 non-national people, neither of whom I have seen for months, but I would be amenable for hooking up with either of them for some good old make up sex, as beggars can't be choosers!