Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Gok-Wank in shock after eye surgery

Why didn't anyone tell me I was so revolting looking?

Channel 4 presenter Gok-Wan, who has made his name for humiliating frumpy housewives on his TV show, was reportedly under heavy sedation last night, following the results of eye surgery to correct issues with his vision.

A hospital source commented:- "Once the bandages came off, he demanded to see himself in a full-length mirror. He shrieked and became hysterical when he realised that he looked more of a fashion disaster than any of the ladies he had ever insulted on his show. "This mirror is f*cked, he sobbed. I look practically emaciated, my clothes are sh*te and what's going on with my hair?"

The camp presenter sufferred from myopia for all of his life but was apparently convinced for the last several years that he had the charismatic looks and style-sense of an oriental Brad Pitt.

This delusion gave him great confidence on his TV Show 'How to look good in the F*cking Nip', during which he chided middle-aged women for such crimes as not using the correct skin toner, wearing the wrong heels, under-emphasising their cleavages, having large hips and wearing striped blouses in the wrong season.

A senior staff nurse who did not wish to be named commented: "Poetic Justice - this limp-wristed freak of nature has finally realised that it is he himself who needs a drastic makeover.

He was highly abusive when he first arrived here - asking one young nurse exactly what abbatoir she had escaped from. He also reduced a cleaner to tears by asking if she gets all her clothes from Oxfam, told her that she had hair like like a really butch lesbian and asked her to do something to cover up her varicose veins, as they were making him ill".

"We will not be sad to see him go"...

1 comment:

  1. I don't know where he went for laser eye surgery - he should certainly know the best places with all his connections. If it was laser hair removal then he should go to BodyLaser in Cambridge because even I have had great results there and I had enough hair to match his ego.