Saturday, July 25, 2009

Worst Irish websites of all time (Part 1)

You have to love the following site, which, although it looks for all the world that it was put together by a 12 year old, with extreme special needs, is nevertheless frighteningly real:-

Michelle Heaton takes a well-deserved rest...

Laydeez - please brace yourselves! The aptly-named 'Brown Cow' salon in Sandyford, Dublin 18, is offering you the 'once in a lifetime' chance to obtain a personal styling consultation from Michelle Heaton, a 'native of Newcastle who now lives in Dublin (and) is a former band member of the chart topping group “Liberty X"'.

I think Michelle is the same Z-list celeb who is regularly pictured falling out of London nightclubs, exposing her erogenous parts at any opportunity, usually in the company of horrific professional slut Katie Price (a.k.a. Jordan)?

Michelle, like Katie (and the sainted Jade Goody before them) strikes me as the kind of person who would not be averse to selling the contents of her sanitary pad to 'style' mags like OK, Heat or Hello, if it brings in a quick buck...

Hello sailor! Triple Bacardi and coke please...

You'll be delighted to learn of the ultra-competitive rates (tailored to take account of the credit crunch challenge!):
1 x person 1 x hour = €150
2 x people 1 x hour = €225

For the guys who may be interested, it doesn't say if this rate includes a 'happy ending', or who exactly is expected to deliver (or receive) one of the 'Fabulous Facials' offered on the website.

Don't worry if you forget your credit card, I'm guessing that the easy-going Michelle will be quite willing to accept a discounted payment in cash at any time, for Brown Cow's unique services.

The site does list some caveats about Michelle (probably on the strict advice of their law agent):-
'(She) does not claim to be a style guru or indeed a fitness or nutritional expert; on the contrary, Michelle’s talents come from her wealth of personal experience and her down to earth attitude with that fab girly flair she radiates.'

Well, the promise of 'Fab Girly Flair' banishes any concerns I may have had... I'm off there now to blow €150 on a full 'Manzilian' wax (crack, sac and back). Hope Michelle has sharpened her razors, gargled with Listerine and washed her hands!

I may even splash out on some more services offered by 'Europe’s most innovative and desirable beauty boutique':
e.g. pamper myself on the 'just for him' menu, visit their 'scrumptious pedicure areas', have some jewels added to my 'delicate areas' and just generally enjoy the 'high energy' and 'style-savvy' experience that is Brown Cow.

Just look at the results from Michelle's latest relaxed personal consultation. How can you resist? Have a deb's ball, Bar Mitzvah or wedding coming up? Or even if you simply want advice on how to enter the world's oldest profession (like you mother before you)... What are you waiting for? Get on down to Brown Cow, Now!

Another satisfied Brown Cow customer returns from a personal styling consultation...

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