Dublin cyclists - ignoring best practise...

Had the misfortune of being stuck in a red light traffic queue last Sunday while out on my bicycle in the late afternoon.

I had pulled over to the left, on a thin stretch of road, to wait for traffic to clear so that I could take a right turn without being run over.  There was a long delay as the upcoming traffic lights seemed to have malfunctioned... Unfortunately, a f*cking Garda car ended up right by my side and I was stuck beside them for a good 3 minutes.

Eventually, the smart-aleck bogger in the passenger side rolled down the window and asked me what I thought I was doing?  I hadn't murdered anyone recently, so was a bit confused by his question.

Got quite paranoid and was sh*tting myself  as I realised that it was getting dark and I had no back light on the bike because some skanger had stolen it at Killiney Shopping centre a few days beforehand and I hadn't got around to replacing it.  Also, my front brakes were f*cked, which was why I stopped in the first place, as they conditions were icy.

Was expecting to have the riot act read to me for not wearing a safety helmet or luminous vest (a man must maintain a style though...).

In the end, he just pointed at his ears and I realised I was wearing my MP3 inner-earphones (which was admittedly, really pretty stupid on my part, although I had them on lowest volume level). Anyhoo, with that, the lights went green and off sped the Boys in Blue to solve murders, set up a wire-tap, get some coffee or attend union meetings...

Just as well I didn't give them lip and particularly that they didn't blood-test me (might have been f*cked on that one)!

Michael Hampton wrecks 'Maggot Brain'

Think I posted another version of this tune previously.  This is Michael "Kid Funkadelic" Hampton burning the living sh*t out of the classic Eddie Hazel composition - P-Funk's gigantic instrumental masterpiece 'Maggot Brain'. 

Hampton had joined Funkadelic as a teenage prodigy in the late 70s, to accompany, then often replace Eddie Hazel, who was in and out of the group due to serious drug problems.

This is from a couple of years back.  There are loads more examples of this song on uTube - one where Hampton breaks 2 strings on his guitar but just improvises and amends his solo to workaround it.

The rythym section is occassionally a bit off on this, but that's really cos the whole Funkadelic family were (and probably still are sometimes) notoriously stoned/loaded on occasions (in an almost self-effacing cartoonish way).  I think as well they are under-rehearsed and are not sure how to keep up or slow down with Hampton.

The drummer, Rico Lewis seems particularly (ahem!) happy towards the end, and the bass isn't really locked in at times. Can't tell for sure who the second guitarist is (there may even be a third in the background)?, Looks like DeWayne McKnight on 2nd lead.  Must have been a time when money was tight 'cos normally P-Funk appear with at least 15 of their loose coalition wandering around stage on this number, even if the particular members are not playing.

Anyhoo, get the impression that Hampton would have played this solo all night if Lewis hadn't done the enforced wrap-up on the drums at the end. Maybe it was coming up to curfew time...

Great stuff anyway!

Wardrobe Malfunctions and Petrol Station Blues

The weather has been so bad lately, so I walked/slipped down to my local petrol station one cold Thursday evening, a couple of weeks back, to buy my usual 20 Marlboro Lights, bottle of dirt-cheap Chilean Chardonnay and various sundries, all designed to last a couple of days.

This particular Esso is staffed almost entirely by Chinese people, most of whom I know on a first-name basis and get along with really well but on this particular night there was a fairly new girl serving on the night-shift who was looking at my crotch area with a sense of horror. It was only then that I realised that my white underwear was clearly visible as my zip wasn't up on my highly classy Valentino jeans. Thank f*ck that nothing else was hanging out...

I remember bombing a promotion interview about 12 years back for doing the very same thing.  Have never worn a suit since then...

The Chinese girl then made a comment like "That is the 3rd bottle of wine you buy this week - why is that? you need to talk to Jesus or you ruin your life". On one level, she may have a point about my personal habits but I don't think anybody needs religion stuffed in their face, or personal advice from staff in petrol stations, in general.

Anyhoo, have been back there since and it seems that she has been given the boot (probably for being rude and ignorant to customers, or for telling unacceptable truths to them).

Bill Cullen - is he for real?

Bill 'King of the Skangers' Cullen and his horrific perma-tanned gold-digger life partner. Don't mean to be sexist on her but heard from a few people that she is an absolute b***h.

This inner-city skanger, used car salesman was on Marian Finucane's radio show on Saturday and couldn't believe some of the sh*t he came out with/was bragging about. Would love to pull the 'irish jig' off his gurrier head. I am paraphrasing (and inventing/over-elaborating somewhat), but some of the stuff he said was in the manner of:-

"Marian, I can remember when the 2nd world war ended. Me and all of me brudders shared one pair of shewes and slept in the outside toilet, so we did. We were so pooowerr, we ate each others shite, so we did, cos we couldn't afford food"

"Kids these days don't know dey are born"

"I duz relax in my place in Florida. Tiger Woods and people like dat duz be my neighbours"

"I will be the first Oirish man on the moon, so I will" Despite being at least 65, Bill has applied for Richard Branson's pay-as-you-go moon shot.

"I am not giving you my age bud I can still touch me toes, so I can. I duz do exercise every day, so I do"

"I usually wake up at 4am every morning, so I do"

"De banks duz be cumming after me, bud it is da same for all moddren biznezz peoples, so it iz"

"I don't like Fine Gayle"

"Meat Loaf doesn't know he's born, so he doesn't. '2 out of 3 ain't bad'? Well, if he was working for me, he had bedder sell ALL 3 95-reg Renault Clios off my forecourts, or he is out!  two out of three would not be good enough for me, I need warriors on my team, Marian."

"Marian, I go intta de skools, so I do, and teach the kids about harhhhd werk, so I doz. If I can sell a 91-reg Renault to one of demz for 3 K, dat's grate, even if dey iz a boy racer and will kill somebody with it."

"My dear mudderrr sold apples, so she did, on Mooooooore Streee for years....  We were lucky if we had the pips from an orange for dinner. Kids these days don't know when they are born, so they don't...

Bass in your face - I Want You Back

Find this quite interesting... One of the great bass lines in popular music, but whodunnit?

Two isolated Mowtown bass parts on one of the seminal tunes:-

 1. Wilton Felder does 'I want you back'. He's playing upright fretless bass, though seems to hit a couple of stinker notes on it. I believe that Felder's version went out on the original Jackson 5 release. It seemed to work though...



2. The legendary Mowtown funk brother James Jamerson does a pitch-perfect 'Ain't no mountain high enough', using just his right index finger ("the claw").



Wilton Felder was a multi-instrumentalist (much more noted for his saxaphone playing) and got the gig as Mowtown had moved operations lock, stock and barrel to L.A. in the early 1970s. Wilton got more fame in the 80's when he had a big hit with a tune called 'No Matter how High I Get (I still keep looking up to you)' with Bobby and Linda Womack on vocals.

Getting back to 'I want you back', I had always assumed that James Jamerson or Bob Babitt must have played on the original of this, cos it sounds like an electric bass part - seem to recall that the riff was originally composed on a piano by someone else, whose name eludes me.

Certainly know that Jermaine (ooooohh my brother Michael would have loved this, can you give me a cheque now?) Jackson couldn't have had the chops to get this down when he was 14 and playing bass for the Jackson 5, although he did play some of their stuff live.

Anyhoo, Jamerson was Mowtown's #1 bass player but, like many of the original Funk Brothers, was hugely reluctant to leave his beloved Detroit and his family, friends, jazz and party buddies when Mowtown moved west, and unfortunately spent the ensuing years being bitter and drinking himself slowly to death (the feckin' eejit). 

People like Paul McCartney and John Entwhistle always cited the influence of 'that Mowtown guy' when describing their bass-playing influences.

One evening, Marvin Gaye stopped production on his classic 'What's Going On' album until Jamerson could be dragged in to play. James was found eventually and ended up playing his tracks whilst lying on his back, as he was so wasted at the time.

There is a sad story about Jamerson slipping quietly into the Mowtown 25th anniversary show in LA, having to scalp a cheap audience ticket from a tout, as nobody had thought to invite him and most of his then existing funk brothers didn't get invites either, even though they had played on hundreds of hits for the company.

Mowtown mogul Berry Gordy got conscientious (and probably more than a little bit guilty) in later years and finally gave carte blanche to the producers and director of the movie 'Standing in the Shadows of Mowtown' to tell the true story of the brilliant Mowtown musicians.

Unfortunately, Jamerson was a long time dead by that time...