The Ballad of Ronnie Drew

This Late-Late Show 'tribute' to a dying Ronnie Drew was a truely surreal, appalling, tasteless, catastrophic piece of noise, with most of the usual suspects.  They couldn't even wait until he was dead in the grave. 

I wouldn't be at all surprised if this 'celebrity sh*t-fest' didn't just hasten his death...

I wondered at the time why Ronnie didn't just walk out of Montrose and throw himself under the next passing 46A:-



They must have done a few takes on this abomination, as 'the Hedge' appears originally playing an acoustic guitar, then seconds later, is miraculously strumming an electric Gibson Firebird model. Also, Liam O'Maonlai must have been pretty strung out on this as he appears to be holding a banjo for decorative reasons only.

Thankfully, Van Morrison had the good sense to absent himself and Chris de Burgh, Dolores O'Riordan, Twink and Ronan Keating just weren't invited...

Gilberto Gil rocks the house

This is from the late 60's. Gilberto Gil and the Mutantes do 'Domingo no Parque (Sunday in the Park)' at one of the TV festivals which were common at the time.

Gilberto Gil is now minister for culture in Brazil, but at the time was considered a dangerous subversive by the military junta. Here, he is joined by the national orchestra, and by the seminal group 'Os Mutantes' (Rita Lee, Arnaldo Baptisa and his brother Sergio Diaz).

All of these guys were viewed as radicals by the existing government and sent into exile in the turbulent times that abounded in the late 60's.  It was a great opportunity for them to improve their French and English, as Paris and London were the places to go.  At least they were not tortured, drugged, tied up and thrown into the sea from a helicopter, which was the favoured method of exiling artists or those perceived as intellectuals in neighbouring Argentina and Chile...

Rita Lee went on to become the most popular chanteuse in Brazil, and still is to this day. She shedded her links to the Mutantes decades ago, after falling out with her lover Arnaldo, who had serious drug and mental health issues. I got to see Os Mutantes in Dublin a couple of years back. Only Sergio showed up, from the original trio, but it was great nevertheless.

Ceann Comhairle John O’Donoghue wants to introduce slavery

In an move that may provoke controversy, Fianna Fail Ceann Comhairle John'ODonoghue has given the green light to the introduction of slavery.

Following meetings with high-powered EU colleagues, the eminent politician John O’Donoghue explained that he had experienced controversial personal transport expense issues recently, which spawned the idea that, rather than sit around on their backsides, the unemployed would be better put to use by ferrying him around on their shoulders, in a 'Cleopatra'-type manner.  O'Donoghue produced a drawing to further illustrate his scheme.

John O'Donoghue's vision of slave-based ministerial transport.

The very respected (and not at all corrupt) politician was at pains to make it clear that, in his vision, all races would be used as slaves, if his plans come to fruition, but that people from Kerry would be exempt. "It will be an equitable scheme", he announced. He further pointed out that his idea would greatly reduce carbon emissions. "The slaves wouldn't produce much carbon - maybe some methane, but we would feed them proper. So the Greens would have nothing to moan about", he explained in his scientific way.

"I am sick and tired of the liberal media whinging about my travel expenses.  Everyone knows that the Irish Times and the Sunday Tribune are chock full of communists and trouble-makers.  My plan has cross-party support - it is imperative that, when carrying out ministerial duties, a proper sense of pomp and circumstance is maintained when it comes to modes of transport. Otherwise, we might as well act like plebs and take the bus. I have every right to spend 4 grand a night in the best hotels.  I only wish my wife didn't always have to accompany me on the goverment jet on some of those freebies fact-finding missions to Paris, Las Vegas or Cannes, otherwise I would have been spending even more of the tax-payers' money on whores and the finest liqueurs and champagnes. So there!"

"We will use our African negroes Nigerians, native Irish unemployed people from Limerick and West Dublin, and the Polish and Mauritians also.  Sure lookit - if they can stand up, we will use them.  I am never again going to suffer the indignity of taking a 2-minute walk to board my first-class flights at Dublin Airport, when I could be carried aloft like a perfumed Persian prince of times past", commented the hugely popular Kerry man.

Renowned international human rights legal expert, Senator David Norris expressed his initial outrage at the idea, but calmed down somewhat when Mauritian guys were mentioned as potential slaves. " Oooh the very idea!", he slobbered. "Those delicious brown-skinned young men... Will they be oiled up and topless? Their nipples standing out like bullets in the inclement Irish weather? Or shall I have to do the oiling myself?", he pondered, while foaming at the mouth...

"I do find the walk to the Senate quite tiring these days, so a coterie of slaves to carry me around has its attractions; The human rights issues are secondary in this case".


"I'll take four Mauritian youths and another four muscular Eastern-European types please!"

Tune of the Day - Allman Brothers Band

This is a rare 'oldie but goodie' from the Fillmore East ballroom in New York. The Allman Brothers Blues Band, knocking out Greg Allman's 'Whipping Post' in jam style. There was never, and never will be a band to compare with the Allmans. This performance was one that I think was included on the famous 'Live at Fillmore East' double album. Duane Allman hits a couple of bum notes towards the end.

Band leader Duane Allman, at that time, was making a name for himself as THE premier session guitar player in the rock milieu, going on to support Clapton on the Layla album. On this one, he duels with Dickey Betts who after a couple of years eventually assumed the leadership of the band, after the death of Duane (age 24) within a few months of this being recorded.

Little brother Greg Allman, who wrote this song to ask his brother to get off his back, was a competent vocalist and organist, but a real screwup; He even married Cher in the mid-70s; The marriage was dissolved after about a week, when Cher figured out just how much heroin Greg was on.

As well as the guitar battle, the two drummers Jaimoe and Butch Trucks seem to be having a rare old war, but always keeping perfect time. Jaimoe had a big jazz background, so it is obvious that he is leading and Butch is watching him for the changes.
The 2 drummer thing is interesting - later copied by the 'Doobie Brothers', 'Steely Dan' and 'Adam and the Ants'!

Heavy bassist Berry Oakey died one year after Duane in a similar motorcycle accident. This threw the 'brothers' into further chaos but they regrouped and released occasionally good music throughout the 70s.

One thing about the ABBB was that they never sunk to Lowest Common Denominator levels by parading around as a 'good old boy, Dixie-whistling' southern band, like semi-racists Lynyrd Skynyrd, who followed in their trail.

Anyhoo, they are back together these days (Greg, Jaimoe, Butch), with Butch Truck's nephew Derek doing the Duane Allman lead & slide guitar role, to great acclaim. Hope they come to Europe some day...

Here is one of the most recent appearances, live on Letterman:



Jayzus - look at the hair on them. Wouln't want to be the cleaner who has to do the shower after this mob has been and gone!

PlayTV - Say it ain't so, Derval?

Derval Mellett: "At least I don't have to eat Goulash anymore"

In a move that will shock Irish entertainment circles to the very foundations, it seems that TV3's stunning PLAY TV presenter Derval Mellett has parted company with the show.

Talented trained actress Derval was reportedly becoming increasingly unhappy at having to rip off a succession of boggers, skangers, pensioners and underage callers every other night with unsolvable quiz games in an 'interactive' show which 99.99999% of callers were never able to interact with. Things came to a head when Derval realised that her own grandmother may lose her house after re-mortgaging it to fund her  obsessive nightly PlayTV calls.

Also, Derval was frustrated at being paid only the minimum wage of the country in which the show is filmed - Hungary.

This means that PlayTV are left with just 2 of their crack presenting team - the suave boy-next-door J.G. and the shrill, slightly psychotic girl-next-door Fiona. Plans are afoot to quickly replace Derval with a losing contestant from TV3's recent 'Total eXposure' reality show. One of the fey ones, I'm guessing...

Derval meanwhile is being treated for exhaustion, swine flu and malnutrition in her Ma's place in Blanchardstown.  She has tentatively accepted an offer to appear in the Aladdin panto at the Mullingar Community Centre this xmas with Stephen Gately, Samantha Mumba (and her frankly odd alien-looking young brother), Twink, Derek Davies (as the genie), the Billy Barry Kids, the Scissors Sisters (who hope soon to be released temporarily, on good behaviour) and the bald guy with the tache who used to run the garage in 'Fair City'.

Plucky Derval is determined to bounce right back, as soon as she gets well, and is considering a request to do some work as a personal styling assistant at Dublin (and Europe’s) premier styling salon - Brown Cow.

Her mother commented that Derval's phone has not stopped ringing since she got back from Hungary.  "Most of them are prank callers though, saying very, very rude things".  "I wish they would just leave us alone", she sighed.

Derval has already begun work on her autobiography and may have some Hollywood roles in the pipeline, in forthcoming movies from directors such as Jonathan Demme, Stephen Spielberg and Sir Richard Attenborough (in the extremely unlikely event that any of them ask her).

Usain Bolt denies absolutely everything

"Whatever it is, I didn't do it. That's all I got to say."

The world's fastest man, Usain Bolt, was yesterday accused of impropriety with the daughter of prominent German sports minister, Uwe Eischens, following a celebratory meal held in honour of the victorious World Championship Jamaican athletics team, hosted in a well-known Berlin hotel.

Herr Eischens alleges that, over the course of a simple, but filling, traditional German meal, Bolt flirted constantly with his pretty, youngest daughter - promising medical student Heike - making lewd suggestive remarks about the size of the Sauerkraut on offer.

Eischens continued: "We had just finished the fruit salad and were about to be entertained by a traditional Bavarian Oompah band, when I looked around and Bolt had his tongue down Heike's throat".

"Naturally, I was outraged and shouted at them to stop. No sooner had I done this than the Jamaican took Heike in his arms and sprinted from the dining room and directly out of the hotel. I am 74 years old, with a history of heart problems, so there was not much chance of me catching him."

Sweet, innocent Heike Eischens.

"I have not seen Heike now for 2 days. My wife is extremely worried. There are reports that she has been seen in the bar of a Sandals Hotel resort in Jamaica. I urge her to get in contact immediately. She needs to repeat her pre-med exams next week. If he has done anything to compromise the virtue of my sweet child, this man Bolt had better not show his face in Germany ever again."


Minister Uwe Eischens. "Bolt - you can run, but you can't hide."

When contacted by German reporters, Bolt's inital reaction was to deny everything. "I didn't do it, whatever story you guys want to make up - I was taking some over-the-counter tablets for a sinus problem and hay fever. The syringes in my hotel room were not mine. They belonged to Amy Winehouse, who had dropped by as she was a friend of my cousin. It's all lies...

Oh - you mean the pretty blonde German girl with the great ti... Hold on, are you recording this? - yeah, I met her OK, but we didn't do anything; I rubbed against her accidentally so there might be DNA evidence, but I didn't do it, whatever it is. Is she pregnant yet? If that's right, it's not mine. She was over 18, right? I deny all allegations, whatever they might be", he said while plucking some blonde hairs from the shoulder of his tracksuit.

"If you have a problem, talk to my lawyers, talk to my agent. I don't know anything about Heike. She is definitely not staying in my luxury Kingston condo, as far as I know. If she is, then she must have broken in, cos I never gave her a key".

With that, the big Jamaican ran away, very quickly...

In Living Color - Men on...

These UTube clips are from about 15 years back, from the often brilliant but sometimes 'hit-or-miss' US comedy sketch show 'In Living Color'. F*ck, I'm getting old :-(

This always reminded me a lot of the old 60's show 'Rowan and Martins Laugh-In', in terms of how raucous and ad-libbed it could become. No - I am not that old! An impoverished RTE showed syndicated 'Laugh-In' re-runs in the late eighties, as if they were hot off the press.

'In Living Color' was a show that started or boosted the careers of all 4 Wayans' brothers, but was, for first 2 series, mostly written by producer Keenan and next eldest brother Damon Wayans.

Wayans Brothers (L-R): Marlon, Shawn, Damon, Keenan.

Younger brothers Shawn and Marlon Wayans went on to produce and star in other well-known 'broad-humored' movies, like the 'Scary Movie' series, 'White Chicks' and the scatological piss-take on 'Boyz in the Hood' - 'Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood'. Marlon has also done some serious roles like 'Requiem for a dream'. Their sister Kim Wayans appeared in most of the early episodes in 'filler' Janet Jackson-type, dance sequences, which seem just annoying looking back now.

It is not known what happened to Zeppo, Tito or Jermaine Wayans...

This was also the vehicle which launched Jim Carrey and Jamie Foxx to the wider world.

Anyhoo, watched part of a box-set recently and it's fairly obvious that a lot seems to have been censored when compared to the original.

In these 2 scenes, the 'guys/likeable queens' are Blaine (Damon Waynes) and Antoine (the brilliant David Allen Grier), who don't hold back when offering their strong opinions on TV, movies and various subjects of the day, in their regular 'Men On...' public access TV slot.


Blaine experiences a drastic character change when something falls on his head in the studio.


After a well-placed right hook, Blaine rediscovers his true self.

Damon Wayans did get a big slap on the wrist at one time when he took things a bit to far in a Superbowl halftime live show and made improvised references as to what Richard Gere allegedly liked to do with gerbils, and was threatened with legal action for a follow-up joke at the expense of bachelor Olympian Carl Lewis.

Funny thing at the end of second clip - Shawn Wayans appears in Village People biker costume and gooses Damon to try to put him off his lines...

The freak who presents RTE's 'Telly Bingo' and Sunday Bingo in the George should watch this and figure out that it is actually quite possible to be both camp and genuinely funny at the same time...

Was Sam Cooke dyslexic or just a bit thick?

Sam Cooke - excelled in High School at Latin, Music, Irish, Home Economics, Basketball and sweet love-making. He was always the first to admit that some other subjects just did not suit him; He made some extremely poor choices for his final year exam subjects.

OK - I stole this graphic from Popbitch, cos I'm too lazy to do my own PhotoShopping, but still think it's pretty funny.

The famous soul crooner who gave us 'Wonderful World', 'Cupid', 'Bring it on Home to Me', 'You Send Me' and the ground-breaking civil rights anthem 'A Change is Gonna Come' didn't do too well in his finals, failing History, Biology, Science and French.

Cooke could be slightly forgiven as he had often mislaid his Science book, and had inadvertantly missed some of the French classes that he was supposed to take, as he was spending months at a time on the road with the 'Soul Stirrers' gospel troupe, and devoting long hours to songwriting.

He must take some blame for failing to realise that Biology is technically a Science and he was wasting his time duplicating classwork in this area.

Whilst he knew that '1 and 1 is 2', his advanced mathematical skills were generally below average. He confessed openly to not knowing much about trigonometry or algebra and didn't seem to have a notion as to the purpose of a slide rule.

Despite being offered a place in the esteemed Certified Accountancy course in Griffith College Dublin, Cooke, on graduating high school, decided instead to pursue his dream of becoming the most revered male soul/pop singer of all time.

As a result, the impossibly handsome Cooke, even though getting more female attention than Elvis and Frank Sinatra combined, suffered from very low levels of self esteem, castigating himself for not being an 'A-student', and ashamed of the fact that he was born in a 'big-old tent' beside a river...

Sam was also known to be a very poor student of Geography. He didn't know much about that either.
Perhaps this explained why he took a wrong turn and ended up shot to death in a sleazy motel in one of the worst parts of L.A., at the hands of a hooker's madame.

Editing Blogs

Was trying out a few Blog-Editing tools today.  After wasting a lot of time on stuff like 'Qumana', which looks good but doesn’t seem to be able to cope at all with Vista plus Blogger, I ended up using Microsoft’s ‘Windows Live Writer’, which is initially, not at all intuitive  and pretty much annoying, as you would expect from any MS product.

After spending a bit of time getting used to it, I find it OK, but rather like FrontPage from a few years back, and Office 2007 – I just don’t get why they constantly release fairly user-unfriendly products like this. Must be a pain for non-technical people who, when upgrading to a new DELL machine with enforced Vista/Office 2007, find that they then need a solid year of support to figure out how to actually use it.

Like FrontPage, it completely f*cks up any existing formatting at a code-based level, introducing styles it assumes that you want, without asking you first.

Mind you, couldn’t find anything that worked well on Debian platforms either.


Addendum (Aug 24): Wahoo! The good folks at Blogger just released a much improved WYSIWYG editing interface, so, thanks for trying MS, but I'll happily stick with the Blogger editor for now.

Daniel O'Donnell to fight Klitschko?

Macho Daniel asks Vladimir Klitschko (current WBO, IBF and IBO heavyweight champion of the world) to 'Bring it on!'

Of all of the 'hard men' to emerge from Ireland in recent years, surely none had the charisma of Daniel O'Donnell. A man's man, Daniel possesses the swagger of a John Wayne, a Jimmy Cagney or a John Shaft.

In a shocking announcement during his finale at a recent 'Red Cow Inn' concert, O'Donnell openly challenged Vladimir Klitschko (current WBO, IBF and IBO heavyweight champion of the world) to a bare-knuckle brawl, or an officially-sanctioned bout, in any venue of the giant Ukrainian's choosing. This was after hearing the chess-playing, erudite, huge Eastern-European mammoth casual reference to Daniel's beloved wife Majella as 'one ugly under-sexed cow'.

"Aye want you noy Klitschko!", simmered O'Donnell.. "Let's make it a free-fight. No rules apply - pinching, hair-pulling, Chinese-burns, biting; everything goes".

"OK, sure", shrugged Klitschko who had been doing some media work in Dublin that day and got lost when trying to attend a U2 concert and had to settle for the camp northerner's show in the skangers' hovel that is the 'Red Cow Inn'.

"Bring it on man!" screamed O'Donnell - "you know you want it, and you know you aren't 50% of the man I am", he lisped.

Prize-fight fixer Don King, on hearing the news, put his team into immediate overdrive and a date of September 11 has been pencilled in already at the famous Madison Square Garden, NY. "This is goin' a be the fight of the millenium, trillenium, bee-lenium 5 time over, Oh Mercy!", belched King. "Easy-listening, clean-cut Irish boy versus dirty commie, Russian, over-educatated thug. " We ain't had no real Irish contender since I was a lil' boy".

Cowardly Ukrainian goon Klitschko, accepts, with murderous intent in his eyes, the gauntlet thrown down by sainted, national treasure Daniel...

A 'Bachelor' for many years, Daniel found his true love a couple of years back, when he met the lovely divorcee Majella, who agreed, while both were under heavy sedation (from a doctor recommended by Michael Jackson's people), to become his wife. In the intervening years, they have enjoyed an idyllic life together, making tea for fans and decorating their separate bedrooms...

Majella O'Donnell would only comment: "OK - Does this mean I inherit everything when he is dead?".

The 6ft' 5" Ukrainian Klitschko, with a record of 47 knockouts in 56 heavyweight bouts and with only 3 losses in his career, seemed somewhat puzzled by the offer. "I will take the fight, but, if Majella and Margo are in his corner, then I will have my brother Vitali (6ft' 8" WBO champion and holder of a PhD in sports medicine and philosophy) in my corner. I don't trust these tough lesbian-type women... My mother raised me as gentlemen, so it is not like I can hit them, but Vitali is less moral than I.

"I admire the wholesome 'Country and Western' crooning of O'Donnell as much as anybody, and also his lacquered, choirboy look, but hairspray will not save him from my first left hook when we meet in the Madison Square Garden. Is he suicidal?"

Ex-champ Barry McGuigan, president of the British boxers union remarked: "I didn't believe it when I first heard, but now I'm just buying up as much Daniel memorabilia as I can, so I can sell it on eBay when he is killed in the first 5 seconds of round 1".

Meanwhile, another visitor to the 'Red Cow' on that fateful night - Daniel's big sister (Country & Irish legend) Margo, also became embroiled in a controversy on the same night when she got involved in a fracas near the toilets with UFC middleweight champion Anderson 'The Spider' da Silva, who happened to be in the vicinity, as he had flown over especially to get some speedo styling advice from the 'JUST FOR HIM' menu at Dublin (and Europe’s) premier styling salon - Brown Cow.

When the multi-skilled martial artist accidentally spilled Margo's bucket of Babycham, the butch Donegal gal advised him to go back to where he came from ('Feckin Africa, or wherever that might be (sic)'...).

Following a heated exchange, and communicating through an interpreter, the 10-times undefeated champion from Brazil accepted Margo's challenge to a fight, offering to tie one leg and one hand behind his back and to wear a blindfold, so long as she makes a solemn vow, in writing, not to sing at him.

The beautiful, fragrant Margo. Donegal's answer to Liza Minelli.

Margo has long had a reputation as being short-tempered; this came to a head in 1991 when, armed with a stanley knife, she climbed onto an Athlone stage, during a line-dancing night, and ripped the blouses and bras from rival country queens Susan McCann and Philomena Begley. As a result of this incident, Begley remains on strong medication to this very day, whilst the heavily Republican McCann family have made various unsuccessful revenge attempts on Margo’s life in the past 17 years.

Don King readily agreed to put the extra bout on the undercard of Daniel's fight, if only to make the whole show last for more than 2 minutes.

Anderson da Silva agrees to take on Margo, but makes a mental note to bring ear plugs..

Love - Sound Check

This is from about 5 years back... A 'fan' stands in on vocals for a sound-check for Love, doing the Latin-inflected 'Alone Again Or...', one of the great tracks on Love's seminal 1967 classic album 'Forever Changes'.

Love found some fame when they replaced 'the Byrds' as LA's coolest band when the Byrds embarked on an elongated world tour in 65/66. Love ruled the Sunset Strip until another group called 'the Doors' emerged. In the meantime, they managed to release 'Forever Changes', always mentioned in critic's 'greatest albums of all time' lists.

The group in the video here is made up of a younger LA combo who used to be called 'Baby Lemonade' and the strings and horns are from some Swedish musicians/fans.

'Blippy' genius, band leader, Arthur Lee never did have much time for rehearsals, so had absented himself, but here they are preparing for a worldwide tour of 'Forever Changes', after Arthur had got out of an out of an LA jail, where he had been incarcerated for 8 years on the 'three strikes' rule.

'Forever Changes' was the first album I bought when I was about 11, cos I liked the album cover... Saw them twice live in Dublin in the last few years, and will always treasure the memories. R.I.P. Arthur.



"The original band member heads are segued into a map of Africa for the cover of 'Forever Changes'".

"The original band: John Echols (lead guitar), Bryan McClean (rhythym gtr. and vocals), Ken Forssi (Bass), Arthur Lee (guitar & lead vocals), Michael Stuart (drums)."

Quite a difficult one to get down on guitar, as the lead vocal on the original is constantly merging with the counter-tenor. The song was authored by Bryan McClean, who was a Hollwood brat in his youth and joined Love when Arthur Lee was impressed by his fame as a roadie for the 'Byrds'

Stephen Gately - "Louis tried to make us all bald"

In a revelation that will shock the pop industry to its very core, diminutive, intellectual, singer Stephen 'Hero' Gately of the Irish boy band Boyzone has made sensational allegations that the then Boyzone manager - evil pop industry maestro, Louis Walsh forced a cocktail of drugs on each of the boys, designed to render all of them BALD before the age of 32.

Satan's leprachaun spawn - heartless Louis Walsh, grins unrepentantly.

Talented Stephen, a much-loved, shy humanitarian, whom critics have described as having the voice of an angel, evocative of both Nat King Cole and Frank Sinatra, and who bravely came out as a gay in 1999, has written down his shocking memories in a new biography - "Out of the Closet, into the Balding Wilderness";

In his candid admissions, he reveals that demonic Boyzone 'manager' Walsh would regularly accompany him to the wild gay saunas of Dublin and London in the early days of the boy band and, in the words of Gately "often rub some strange potion into my flowing locks".
"Louis explained that it would make my hair shinier, under harsh television lights. Louis claimed that Michael Jackson used the same stuff, so I obviously had no reason to argue."

Slightly obese midget Stephen mused: "I wondered at the time why my hairline seemed to be receding on an almost daily basis, especially when I was out with Louis and showering myself in the sauna or gymnasium - there were sometimes big clumps of my hair appearing in the drain..."

"Louis would also insist that we took 'special medicine', either in oral pill format or via injection. I was always scared of needles (and spiders as well), so I just took the pills. Louis told us they were vitamins, to keep us going on our long touring schedules".

"I know all about the recession - it's happening on my head."

Devastated, portly dwarf Gately continued: "It all makes sense now. I once found Louis in a hotel bathroom going through Ronan's toilet bag, obviously looking for Ro's miniature 'Head & Shoulder's' bottles, in order to inject them with his follicle-destroying, evil potions."

"Keating: Ahhh - sure God willing, I'll get to keep some of it..."

A sobbing Gately continued: "I strongly suspect that he may have done the same to Mikey (fellow BoyZoner Mikey Graham), but was probably too scared of Shane and Keith to try it with them. They had refused to take his injections or pills as soon as they found that it gave them 'no decent buzz whatsoever'. "

"Louis was also very aware that Shane and Keith were tough customers 'from the mean streets', who could fly into uncontrollable rages if a single hair fell from their perfectly groomed heads. The pair were also two of the finest R&B and hip-hop vocalists of their generation so Louis was always wanting to keep them happy, in case they defected to 'Jodeci', 'East 17' or 'Boyz II Men' ".

In a telephone interview today, former Boyzone crooner Graham commented:-
"I'll never forgive Louis for any of this - I could have been a real contender, like Red Hurley or Johnny Logan. Instead I'm completely washed up, back working part-time in a garage doing occasional services on clapped out Renault 5's. Passing schoolkids are making my life a misery - shouting out' Baldzone' everytime they see me. I can't even get a part in 'Fair City' these days".

"Mikey Graham - I'm not bitter, but next time I see Louis, I'll cut his f*cking nads off with a plastic knife and then stick my biggest spanner right up his a*se.

It was around 2003 when 'Brave' Gatley had taken the drastic step of going into counselling to try to come to terms with his receding hairline, which was having a devastating affect on his confidence, leading to an eating disorder (an ongoing addiction to Jaffa cakes) and other issues. It was during this time when he unearthed the horrifc truth...

Balding Stephen Gately does what he does best - smiling and miming simultaneously, while maintaining a completely macho aura.

At the time, evil tyrant Louis Walsh had employed two personal 'home assistants' in his opulent Killiney mansion (Hrithik, 16 from Katmandu, Nepal, and 17-year old Hermes from Manila, Phillipines), whom Walsh had falsely promised to, one day, make into a chart-topping exotic boyband named 'H & H'.

The boys eventually grew tired of Walsh's lies, and repeated requests that they perform greasy, naked pole-dances at Louis's depraved, sordid, sleazy society parties (regularly attented by high-profile A-List celebs such as Twink, Ryan Tubridy, Bishop Brendan Comiskey, Joe Dolan, Elton John, Lorraine Keane, Foster from 'Foster and Allen', Michael Barrymore, Gerry Adams, Sinead O'Connor, Terrence Trent D'Arby, Senator Donie Cassidy, Gerry Ryan, Simon Cowell, notorious gaelgoir predator poet Cathal 'the Shark' Sharkey, Dana, Linda Martin and, at times, various members of popular music groups 'Hot House Flowers', 'Earth Wind and Fire', 'Gina, Dale Hayes and the Champions' and 'Def Leppard')

Feeling both used and homesick, and particularly applalled at the sickening debauchery displayed at these Dioneysian parties, the two young men eventually fled from the clutches of the man they had once called 'Uncle Louis' and, while waiting on a deportation order decision, managed to contact Stephen on his Facebook page, and spilled the beans on their former benefactor's crazed methods.

Artist's impression of typical debauched pole-dancing exhibtion at a Louis Walsh party.

They explained that Louis had bragged about how he had realised for many years that Boyzone would have a limited shelf-life and was already planning to replace them permanently with, perhaps the greatest singing group that the world has ever seen or heard - the emerging 'Westlife'. Thus, he needed to 'slay the fathers' so that the 'sons' might claim the throne. In Louis's twisted mind, the best way to do this was by ensuring Boyzone would all be bald by age 32.

Mercifully, his blood-curdling scheme did not reach full fruition...

At this point, Stephen, whose 3 Group-Certificate C grades (in English, Pottery and Mincing) makes him, officially, the most educated person ever to emerge from his native Summerhill area in inner-city Dublin, knew his worst suspicions were confirmed.

Aware that time was of the essence, he called an urgent meeting with his close boyband mates Ronan and Mikey and they quickly all became wise to the sick plan of the music mogul. They made a vow, there and then, to desist from consuming the medication that the satanic Walsh was force-feeding them.

Thankfully, all three maintain some hair to this day, using a combination of Regaine, Rogaine, daily hand-stands, regular application of a magical eastern camel-semen remedy (recommended by concerned celebrity pal Elton John), and by having some of their pubic hair surgically grafted onto their heads.

The defiant, yet stoic, effeminate 33-year old loser Gately cannot forget, but is willing to forgive Walsh: "I can't hate him. He was like a father to me for years. Me, and the rest of the guys have moved on now. Our hugely unsuccessful 'comeback' tour is keeping us occupied, and there is talk of a possible panto in Mullingar (with Samantha Mumba) at christmas.

At this stage, it's really the others I feel sorry for", Gately opines. "Louis is obviously using the same tactics on Westlife. It's fairly clear that their barnets are going south at a fairly rapid rate. I have heard that Louis has a new boyband 'Skangers' that he is currently 'grooming' and is just waiting to unleash on the world at the appropriate moment. Fair play to the Westlife lads. They seem to be hanging on for grim life, thanks to the gelling and forward-combing skills of the hair experts at the premier Dublin styling salon, Brown Cow.
How long will it be though before they also have to endure the painful procedures required to stitch pubic hair into their scalps?"


Another balding boyband may have their lives destroyed by the diabolic Louis Walsh.

Perhaps the hardest-hit victim of the evil Walsh's enforced boyband baldness program (BBBP).

"Anyway" sighs Gately, "I need to go now - Hrithik and Hermes are waiting in the taxi". With that he waddles out of the room, shedding strands of hair as he goes...

Meanwhile, other stars of the pop scene who may have been in contact with Walsh are now concerned that he might have performed similar tricks on them. TV presenter Ant McPartlin recalls various meetings with Walsh over the years, where he was constantly plied with herbal tea, which he noticed had a 'very strange odour'. In the days following these meetings, Ant began to experience dramatic decreases in his hair growth:-

Could cheeky Geordie chaps Ant and Dec also be victims of Louis Walsh's scheming defoliating machinations?.

Louis Walsh was unavailable for comment as he's on holiday in Thailand at the moment, 'searching for talent'... His spokesperson denied all of the allegations but suggested that Hrithik and Hermes return the Rolex watches before he is forced to take further action...

PlayTV - how low can you go?

"CUNNILINGUS is a good guess, caller. I can see your logical thinking... but I'm afraid it's not the roight answer. Please try again soon, liderally..."

Wow! Just as well I'm not epileptic. JG is on tonight on the PlayTV scamshow. They have just done a frenzied countdown scene with shaking cameras, blazing graphics and very loud noises. Unsurprisingly, they have not had a caller find the 'open line' in the last 2 hours... I'm guessing there are quite a few people who have swallowed their tongues by now or just decided to end it all while watching this farago...

I made a comment about the other presenter Derval in a recent post, which may have come across as sexist. Just noticed tonight that JG also has child-bearing hips. It must be true that TV puts 10 pounds on everybody!

A new innovation tonight - a conveyor belt, moving at the speed of a legless tortoise, slowly spewing euro notes into a shopping basket. The viewer/caller needs to guess a town/city in Ireland without the letter 'a' in the name.

Kerry was one of the early 'correct' answers. Never knew that Kerry was either a town or a city, but there you go...

Anyhoo, JG seems very enthused by this new gimmick, and is thoroughly enjoying himself, grabbing wads of the euros from the basket and throwing them in the air and on the floor, like a photo-opped Lotto winner. The notes look strangely like monopoly money which has been very recently created and ironed by the production team, so they have the appearance of newly-minted currency.

"You could be 'massaging' yourself 'liderally' with 2,400 EUR in crisp new notes" he suggests in his sombre baritone. Seems a bit of an unhygenic proposition JG - think I'd prefer to stick to scented oils and a fresh towel, when giving either myself, or partner, a pleasureable rubdown...

Besides, I'd have no idea how to massage myself 'liderally'. Would I need to use a work of literary fiction? If so, do you recommend Hardback or Paperback? Perhaps I'm just fixated on proper grammar and diction...

"Goys - you MUST call now - I can't finish this game without your help" - JG admonishes the ungrateful viewers, as if he is offerring one of his kidneys to a potential recipient.

"It's not Ranelagh, Castlebar, Rathmoines or Carrickmoines, because they all have an 'A' in the name" he helpfully educates us.

It's getting late in the game. JG is obviously bursting for a piss or a dump and gives the game away with a hint as to what the 2 correct remaining answers are - "There are 2 towns in Kildare - one famous for its glassware"

"I will guarantee a connection in the last 3 moments" - JG puts his neck on the line for us, 'liderally'.

We get a winner at 2:59am, a single caller finally manages to find the 'open line', guesses Templemore, Tipperary and wins the money.

It seems that Kildare has moved to Tipperary. Go figure...

Related links:
Late night TV in Ireland (Part 1) - PlayTV

Late night TV in Ireland (Part 2) - Magic Moments

Wiki page

A pretty big thread on Boards.ie on the PlayTV scam

Tune of the day - the Jefferson Airplane - rooftop concert

This is from a Jean-Luc Godard movie which never saw the light of day. Jefferson Airplane play a live roof-top version of 'The House At Pooneil Corner' in Manhattan, on one cold and windy day.

This preceded the Beatles 'Let it be' roof-top stunt by at least one year. Unfortunately, the Airplane are playing on top of a 45+ storey hotel, so nobody on street level can see them. Guess they didn't quite think that one through... People in surrounding higher buildings had a good view though, as the huge bass sound bounces off the adjoining buildings.

This was the regular Airplane lineup, with Grace Slick, Marty Balin and Paul Kantner doing their layered harmony vocals and über-bassist Jack Casady, lead guitarist Jorma Kaukonen and drummer Spencer Dryden driving the whole thing along (with Kantner's 12-string rhythm guitar).

Marty Balin was the initial founder of the band and does the decent thing by offering himself up for arrest when the cops arrive to shut things down.

He was the only Airplane member never to indulge in bedroom congress with the ultimate self-confident, 'rock-chick' Grace and was similarly gallant when the Airplane played the notorious Rolling Stones' Altamount concert a year or so later, when he jumped into the crowd to try to prevent the Hells Angels 'security' from beating on some female concert go-ers. His reward from the Angels was a heavy dose of concussion and a badly shattered jaw...

Surprisingly, unlike most sixties groups, all but one of the Airplane are alive and healthy to this day (drummer Dryden died of cancer a couple of years back), albeit not really on speaking terms, aside from Jack and Jorma...

Google - Caffeine

It seems Google are beta-testing a new super-search engine, code name = 'Caffeine'... Checked out the developers' demo version and it seems to fly. Aside from the speed, it looks pretty much like the regular version.

Test drive Caffeine

Tune of the day - Voices of East Harlem 'Run Shaker Life'

This is the 'Voices of East Harlem' doing Richie Havens' Run Shaker Life' at the 'Soul to Soul Concert' in Ghana (1971).

James Brown had done a huge concert in neighbouring Nigeria one year before, so Ghanaians wanted to keep up...

After much haggling, a pretty decent bill was put together:
Wilson Pickett
Roberta Flack (who later refused to allow her performance to be released)
Santana
The Staples Singers
Ike and Tina Turner
Les McCann
The Voices of East Harlem

In the end, it was the Voices' 12-year old Kevin Griffin who stole the show, with this version of 'Shaker Life'. Love the bass, shank guitar and incredibly tight fatback drums on this... Griffin is a baptist preacher these days.

Was reminded of this by the recent trip to Ghana of President Obama (and to a lesser extent by the constant replays of Michael Jackson's early performances, with the J5).

There is a very interesting DVD available on the SOUL to SOUL concert, with lots of poignant insights from the performers on what it meant to them to visit West Africa at that time. Well worth a viewing...

Nouveau Facist Chic in Ireland

Read an interesting article in the Sunday blurbs today about yet another Republican splinter group - Éirigí, which is dissatisfied with Sinn Fein's apparent negligence on their core ideal of uniting Ireland (hope that never happens in my lifetime, unless Downing Street writes an open cheque to cover the consequences).

Éirigí, A collection of poorly-dressed, thuggish, semi-literate (if the erroneous second fada in their banner is anything to go by) skangers, most of whom have probably never worked a single day in their lives, but would do very well if protest-marching ever becomes an Olympic sport.

Adolf lends his support to Éirigí.

"Rise Up!". Another high-profile supporter gives his unequivocal backing to the good folks in Éirigí.

de Valera has very valid and grave concerns that the maidens in Éirigí may not be 'comely' enough:- "Surely they should be at home warming their husbands' slippers, or finding a single-sex crossroads to dance at, after a good mass?"

A Nation Once Again! Here's a cheque for 5 trillion. It should last about 2 years while you backwards, inbred, sectarian scum tear each other apart. Now go away, and never darken our doors again...

We'll never go away, you know...

Éirigí, for now, seem to be a fairly harmless bunch of skanger scumbags (they only number 1,000 approx.), mostly based in border areas and certain parts of Dublin through which you would only walk at your own risk. They include in their ranks a certain Dominic 'Óg' McGlinchey, son of the lengendary psychotic INLA criminal and mass-murderer, Dominic 'Mad Dog' McGlinchey.

Anyhoo, think I came across one of their marches recently in town and their pronounced thuggery and sick fervour reminded me of an incident from years back...

I was walking up Grafton street with a couple of friends and we accidentally stopped close to a Youth Defence protest (which were, unfortunately quite common at the time), where they were displaying images of aborted foetuses. One of my mates happened to laugh at an unrelated joke and was quickly surrounded by the nut-case protesters, asking what he thought was funny about the 'murder of the unborn'.

Mentalist, militant jesus-freaks 'Youth Defence' and their ilk, block the roads.

We told them to f*ck off and were quickly surrounded by their 'paid security', half a dozen big thugs, who were, we found out later, hardcore Sinn Fein and INLA 'activists' from the Thomas Street/Coombe/Dolphin's Barn area. Thankfully, there were police nearby, or we would have probably have been eating through straws and racing in wheel chairs for several months...
I have some other stories on Youth Defence from over the years, but will save them for another post...

I guess my point is that there is a certain truth in the aphorism that 'Birds of a Feather Stick Together'.

Tune of the day - the UMCs - 'One to Grow on'

One from my college days... UMCs were one of the many exceptional young east coast, fairly cerebral hip-hop groups who emerged in the early 90s but were not into the puerile gangster posturing, which later became so associated with the medium...

They never became as big as any of the similar 'Native Tongues' crowd from that period - 'Tribe Called Quest', 'De La Soul', 'Jungle Brothers' et al., but their brilliantly creative debut album 'Fruits of Nature' remains a bona fide classic. So, please bounce along and 'Grow on this'...

Late night TV in Ireland (Part 3) - the answer may not exist?

Unbelievable!!! These people are completely amoral...

They are running their usual, never-ending game tonight using a word quiz, with a prominent on-screen disclaimer notifying the viewer that there is "NO GUARANTEE THE WORD EXISTS" (i.e. not a word known in the English language)?

It is the 'cross-eyed', 'envelope-munching' piece of bint Derval, she of the child-bearing hips, Jean Butler-lite look and slight 'Dort-loine' accent, presenting tonight.

The other female presenter, who appears once a week (Fiona?) seems (like Bertie Aherne) to be completely incapable of pronouncing the letter 'h' and (at times) 't' (probably cos she also is, at heart, a skanger made good) so we get constant requests to 'foind dad turd difference' in photo comparison games. "You may have 2", she usually shrieks at the viewers, "buh you need to 'foind da turd one' "...

Anyhoo, back to tonight's show, Derval looks really guilty, like she is expecting a tap on the shoulder from the fraud squad at any moment.

Tune of the day - Sandy Denny - 'Fotheringay'

It's pretty much impossible to find anything decent with video on Youtube from the long-deceased English folk music queen, and former 'Fairport Convention' member Sandy Denny doing any of her more famous self-penned 'hits', like 'Who knows where the time goes?' or 'Sad Refrains'.

So, have to make do with this English Tourist board-type collage featuring another of her tunes - 'Fotheringay' (sung here with the Fairports), a haunting, reflective, number about the long imprisonment, exile and ultimate death of Mary, Queen of Scots.

TV - 'The Wire' vs 'Top Gear'

The Guardian are doing an online poll to select the best TV show of this current century:-
What's the best TV show of the decade 2000-09?.

HBO's brilliant Dickens-like, drama series 'The Wire', is a bleak yet monumental tale, documenting the disintegration of modern-day Baltimore (over 5 seasons and through various institutions, from Police Department/City Hall/Ghettos/washed-up Ports/Schools/Kids' Care Homes and back again).

In this poll, the show is currently head to head with, of all things, BBC's 'Top Gear' - a heavily scripted nerdfest presented by 2 of the most odious people ever seen on TV land - pompous, professionally smug buffoon Jeremy Clarkson and his obsequious, simpering, even more smug and self-satisfied, midget sidekick Richard (I hurt my head in a car crash) Hammond.


Now, I don't drive, so I'm not really interested in whether the tyre traction and corner-taking ability is better on a Porsche GT3 RS or the latest Ferarri 360S. Apparently millions of saddos are though, especially the zombies who populate the studio to guffaw at the presenters' pathetic, mindless puns and seem unable to help themselves from salivating over automobiles they couldn't afford, even if they worked until they were 90.

The only redeeming feature is the theme tune - the Allman Brothers' "Jessica", which the production team on this show have even managed to massacre in some sort of mad remix...

'The Wire', on the other hand, is unquestionably, the greatest TV drama series ever made.
I could go on for hours, but here are just a few classic scenes (from the earlier series, which I re-watched recently on DVD):-

1. The lonesome death of Wallace
   Following instructions from Barskdale mob kingpin Stringer Bell, young dealers Bodie and Poot reluctantly execute their teenager friend Wallace (who had always been too kind-hearted and decent for 'the game'), in what is probably the most excrutiatingly sad and painful scene ever shown on TV.
2. Mind your language
   Detectives Bunk Moreland and Jimmy McNulty perform a crime scene examination, utilizing their unique communication skills.
3. Where the F*ck is Wallace?
   An incarcerated and guilt-stricken D'Angelo Barksdale queries Stringer on the whereabouts of Wallace and, by doing so, effectively signs his own death warrant, which has later repercussions for Stringer when D'Angelo's uncle Avon (Barksdale head honcho) finds out, and enables Brother Mouzone and Omar to go after him (Stringer), with quite murderous intent.
4. "If you come at the King, you best not miss"
   A vengeful Omar, mindful of the recent torture/murder of his significant other (who refused to the end to give Omar up to the Barksdales), takes out one senior Barksdale enforcer (Stinkum) and wounds another (Wee-Bey), whistling as he goes on his merry way...
5. "I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase"
   Omar continues his mission against the Barksdales and puts yet another one away, running rings around the crew's dodgy lawyer Maurice Levy when he testifies (perjures himself) in court against the gangs' most psychotic hitman 'Bird Hilton'. At this point, Barksdale is running out of enforcers, so, for now at least, it's Advantage Omar!

Comedy Gold - Bob's Huge Organ

There seems to be a strange smell eminating from Bob's organ...

This is from BBC - 'the Smell of Reeves and Mortimer' show, from the 90s. Bob Mortimer is closing the show, playing a tune on his decorative Wurlitzer-type organ, only to make a shocking discovery...

Featuring some of the usual characters - 'Booze for the Baby' man, Uncle Peter and a pre-'Little Britain' Matt Lucas as the landlord.

All is resolved, when the guys decide to have a sing-song and old-style lock-in...

Then xmas came early

Wahoo! - DHL just delivered my new toy - a semi-acoustic Ibanez AF75 jazz guitar. Great tone and style. Have only had a practise acoustic guitar for the last couple of years, as I had spent most of the intervening time trying to learn ukelele, banjo and mandolin with mixed results:-(

My fingertips are shredded to bits, as I re-aquaint myself with the hard strings.

Anyhoo, I dug into my redundancy pay-off to get this one on the cheap from an excellent German website:-
www.musicstore.de

Can't remember off-hand, but think I may have gotten my last mandolin from there also:-

Who exactly was the 'Tambourine Man'?

The bass player on the right in this photo is jazz man Bill Lee, father of Spike Lee.


"Does anyone have an E-harp? Anybody?".

The Byrds, classic lineup - Roger McGuinn (lead gtr. vocals), Chris Hillman (bass), Gene Clarke(gtr. vocals), Michael Clark (drums) and David Crosby (gtr. vocals)

Bruce Langhorne in the Village days.

Recent photo of Bruce Langhorne.

A young Jack Ashford - Mowtown's tambourine man.

For some reason, when I was younger, I had always assumed that the 'Tambourine Man' referenced in Bob Dylan's masterpiece alluded to 'Black Jack' Ashford, the Mowtown 'Funk Brother' percussionist, who made the famous tambourine sound on countless hits and featured heavily in the 90s documentary 'Standing in the Shadows of Mowtown'.

In fact, much of Dylan's inspiration seems to have come from a young multi-instrumentalist called Bruce Langhorne, a singer/song-writer, from the early 60's Greenwich Village folk scene, who habitually carried around a giant Turkish hand-held percussion instrument (as one does). Langhorne played the delicate counter-melody lead guitar part on the original recording, but seems to have kept a really low profile since those days;

Mine is much bigger than yours.

THE Tambourine Man

Tune of the day - Pete Seeger at the Obama Inauguration

Was trying to get this down on the banjo today. This is commie/pinko/folkie/leftie-activist Pete Seeger doing his old friend Woodie Guthrie's 'This land is your land' at the Obama inauguration. I believe Seeger turned 90 last year...

He is joined here by Bruce Springsteen, with Pete's grandson and a group of high-school choir kids. In this rendition, they include slightly altered versions of the 2 'lost' verses from the song; verses which seemed to have often been omitted on most cover versions in the past:-

"In the squares of the city, and the shadow of a steeple;
By the relief office, I saw my people,
As they stood there hungry, I stood there whistling...
This land was made for you and me?"

"A great high wall there, that tried to stop me;
A great big sign there saying 'Private property';
On the other side it didn't say nothing,
That side was made for you and me"

Ubuntu (if you wunt to)

Spent a good part of the weekend trying to figure out how to dual-boot Vista with Ubuntu, without wasting cash on 3rd-party software, or destroying my laptop. Got it done eventually...

Am loving Ubuntu - got web access sorted in seconds, and some of my lost Unix/Linux/OpenOffice skills are coming back to me. It is worth it for the games alone - about 12 variations of Solitaire (which, as Neil Sedaka pointed out, is the 'only game in town').

Tune of the day - Small Faces (cockney knees-up)

From BBC archives, The "Small Faces" joyous "Happy Days Toy Town". One of the most catchy tunes ever made/performed, from their concept album "Ogden's Nut Gone Flake". The mics seem to be on for the hyperactive Steve Marriott on lead and Ronnie Lane on bass, as is audible/visible from their badinage.

Otherwise, the tune is mimed. Stanley Unwin provides the nonsense spoken piece towards the end.

Mariott wasted his talents after this, in the cesspit of progressive rock; the other three formed 'the Faces' with Ronnie Wood and Rod Stewart. Years later, Kenny Jones replaced the dead Keith Moon on sticks in 'the Who'.

Anyhoo, turn it up loud and enjoy, and remember that 'Life is just a bowl of All-Bran'...

Funkin' Excellent !

One Nation, under a Groove - Get your funk on, Funkateers...

Wahoo! The Mothership landed in town... Went to see the legendary George (no relation to Bill) Clinton and the current P-Funk incarnation at Tripod last night. Great gig, and perhaps the best collection of musicians I've ever seen live.

The show was as brilliantly eccentric and crazy as expected, with band members regularly inter-changing, taking impromptu individual breaks and wandering around the stage and wings at random. Probably due to the fact that the 20+ band couldn't all safely fit on the small stage at any one time...

Highlight for me was a scintillating version of 'Maggot Brain', which seemed to go on for a good 20 minutes.

One of the two drummers (Rico Lewis, I think?), whenever it wasn't his turn on the kit, spent a lot of the show lighting up the spliffs thrown onto the stage, sometimes climbing the ladder up to the adjacent sound desk to consume them. Hope the fire inspectors weren't in that night...

At one point an audience member rushed the stage (pursued, pretty quickly, by a very large bouncer) and went to try to shake George's hand, then proceeded to rip the multi-colored wig from George's head and exited stage left, captured in the bouncer's headlock, but with the trophy still firmly in his grasp.

George stayed cool, finished the duet he was doing and made some remark along the lines of "Motherf*cker trying to strip me naked!".

From what I could see, most of the band looked initially surprised about this incident, then seemed amused. The spliffer drummer was at the side of the stage laughing his ass off, so, I have an inkling that it was a 'Bruno/Borat-style' arranged stunt that at least some of them were complicit in... If it wan't a joke, then I hope the gatecrasher got a right good hiding backstage!

Anyway, George was back later in the show with a baseball cap covering his barren pate.

Hope the wig survived! If not, I'm sure he has a couple of spares in his suitcase. Some photos below...

Possibly, slightly stoned Rico Lewis in the white vest and no, that's not Prince crouching to his right

P-Funk veteran Garry Schider (centre) in his trademark diaper/nappy/incontinence pad thing. George Clinton with cap on. B.B. King's stunt double with trumpet in hand.


(left to right) P-Funk nemesis - Sir Nose, George Clinton (with hair) and Poo-Poo Man all keeping the groove going.

Just as an addendum, here is a list of P-Funk alumni/contributors over the years. It reads like a phone book... Even then, think there are quite a few missing from the list...