PlayTV - how low can you go?

"CUNNILINGUS is a good guess, caller. I can see your logical thinking... but I'm afraid it's not the roight answer. Please try again soon, liderally..."

Wow! Just as well I'm not epileptic. JG is on tonight on the PlayTV scamshow. They have just done a frenzied countdown scene with shaking cameras, blazing graphics and very loud noises. Unsurprisingly, they have not had a caller find the 'open line' in the last 2 hours... I'm guessing there are quite a few people who have swallowed their tongues by now or just decided to end it all while watching this farago...

I made a comment about the other presenter Derval in a recent post, which may have come across as sexist. Just noticed tonight that JG also has child-bearing hips. It must be true that TV puts 10 pounds on everybody!

A new innovation tonight - a conveyor belt, moving at the speed of a legless tortoise, slowly spewing euro notes into a shopping basket. The viewer/caller needs to guess a town/city in Ireland without the letter 'a' in the name.

Kerry was one of the early 'correct' answers. Never knew that Kerry was either a town or a city, but there you go...

Anyhoo, JG seems very enthused by this new gimmick, and is thoroughly enjoying himself, grabbing wads of the euros from the basket and throwing them in the air and on the floor, like a photo-opped Lotto winner. The notes look strangely like monopoly money which has been very recently created and ironed by the production team, so they have the appearance of newly-minted currency.

"You could be 'massaging' yourself 'liderally' with 2,400 EUR in crisp new notes" he suggests in his sombre baritone. Seems a bit of an unhygenic proposition JG - think I'd prefer to stick to scented oils and a fresh towel, when giving either myself, or partner, a pleasureable rubdown...

Besides, I'd have no idea how to massage myself 'liderally'. Would I need to use a work of literary fiction? If so, do you recommend Hardback or Paperback? Perhaps I'm just fixated on proper grammar and diction...

"Goys - you MUST call now - I can't finish this game without your help" - JG admonishes the ungrateful viewers, as if he is offerring one of his kidneys to a potential recipient.

"It's not Ranelagh, Castlebar, Rathmoines or Carrickmoines, because they all have an 'A' in the name" he helpfully educates us.

It's getting late in the game. JG is obviously bursting for a piss or a dump and gives the game away with a hint as to what the 2 correct remaining answers are - "There are 2 towns in Kildare - one famous for its glassware"

"I will guarantee a connection in the last 3 moments" - JG puts his neck on the line for us, 'liderally'.

We get a winner at 2:59am, a single caller finally manages to find the 'open line', guesses Templemore, Tipperary and wins the money.

It seems that Kildare has moved to Tipperary. Go figure...

Related links:
Late night TV in Ireland (Part 1) - PlayTV

Late night TV in Ireland (Part 2) - Magic Moments

Wiki page

A pretty big thread on Boards.ie on the PlayTV scam