Just caught this on the Biography channel. It's a series documenting the practise of pre-pubescent beauty pageants in the good old USA. I thought it was a comedy at first, along the lines of Little Miss Sunshine but sadly it is real.
We get to see the grotesque pushy moms, dousing the kids in hairspray, mascara and fake tan, coaching them on their dance routines, shopping for thong-like swimwear, checking the kids' teeth to ensure that the industrial layers of lipstick they have slapped on their offsprings will not ruin their smiles.
All presented by a guy called Michael (see above) who is so camp that he makes Liberace look like John Wayne. Michael serenades the lucky kids who make the final, with a really creepy Tony Bennett-type number during which he gazes directly into the eyes of the unfortunate child, who will no doubt be scarred for life and spend 10 years in and out of rehab at some point in the future.
The 3 judges are overheard making bitchy comments about some of the kids:
- That dress is just soooooooo Riverdance.
- Plaid is sooooooo in this season.
- I just luvvvvv her feistieness.
- In terms of beauty - she is just toooooo plain...
- Her hair is just tooooooooooo big....
Anyhoo, it seems that the show has taken off in Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia.
Here are the finalists from last year's Saudi contest. The one on the left was unfortunately killed when she was run over by a bus as her vision was impaired. The girl on the right broke her nose and jaw when she walked into a lamp post and was subsequently stoned to death as an inch of her ankle was visible as she writhed in agony on the pavement.
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