My opinions on Facebook

Wow - strange things happen.  I had always regarded Facebook, mySpace etc. as vehicles for teenagers only, but a former work colleague invited me a couple of days back to Facebook and I got to search for, and re-aquaint myself with at least 4 people I hadn't spoken with for up to 15 years. In 2 cases, I remembered very quickly why I had stopped speaking to them!

Anyhoo, it occurred to me that a business opportunity might present itself. Here are some alternative suggestions for web-based community sites:-

F*ckBook: An easy way to remember whom you might have made pregnant or infected with a venereal disease, during a moment of drunken madness. The basis would be that you upload their photo and contact details to your site before getting down to the basics, so you could later pass the details on to your solicitor, or contact the person when you need to let them know they might want to get checked for syphillis, gonhorrea etc.

RapeBook: An easy way for rapists and other serial sex-offenders to exchange ideas on how best to ensnare their victims and swap recipes for Rhohypnol and similar medications.

WhoTheF*ck are you Book?: Again, it requires a pre-op photo. Ideal for chucking someone out of your place on a Saturday/Sunday morning when they wake you up and you advise them that there is juice in the fridge, the bus-stop is down the road and that they should let themselves out and close the backdoor quietly behind them.
You have all the evidence in the book and can slip off to the toilet and access it on your WAP, so at least you remember the name of the person, when you are throwing them out. After all, good manners cost nothing...

Shocking display at latest Bishops' emergency session

It's getting hot in here...

At their daily 'child protection' damage limitation meeting at St Patrick’s College, Maynooth, IRELAND’S CATHOLIC bishops were entertained by some South American & Caribbean dancers, scheduled to appear at the Dun Laoghaire Festival of Cultures, who, due to poor road signage, inadvertantly arrived at the wrong event.

"Those girls are practically 'in the nip' ", commented The Bishop of Cloyne Most Rev John Magee. Sure there's 'divil a bit of harm' in that. Just wish Michael Cleary was around to see it", he remarked wistfully. "Mick would have been all over them, whether they liked it or not - the younger the better", he guffawed.


Irresistable to women, Ireland's all time greatest minge-magnet, the late, great Fr. Michael Cleary.

"Sure some of those lads haven't much on either - I know quite a few clergymen who would go for that too", he bellowed.

Questioned on a recent damning report on child protection practices in the Cloyne diocese by the National Board for Safeguarding Children (NBSC) in the Catholic Church in Ireland, Magee stated:
"Sure lookit, if their parents dress them in tight tops and the like, what do they expect?. If they leave them to go to swimming pools unattended, things are bound to happen, specially in rural areas where priests get in for half price.".

Bishop Magee received the public support of Cardinal Brady, as well as the Archbishop of Cashel Most Rev Dermot Clifford and the Archbishop of Tuam Most Rev Michael Neary, all of whom have stated that the South American dancers were 'absolute rides', and wished that they (the bishops) were 40 years younger, cos they would be 'in with a real chance'.

Celebrity Gossip Magazines

There's nothing more annoying than standing in a queue in your local convenience shop, as some cashless person insists on paying for a pack of chewing gum with his/her credit card, then deliberates for a few minutes as to whether or not they want cashback.

Was in a similar queue yesterday and noticed that the woman in front of me had taken a carrier basket to fill it up with every available gossip magazine.  Perhaps she worked as a receptionist in a dental clinic, or was just saving them up for a month's worth of reading material while taking her morning dumps.

Of course these publications serve a public need, keeping us updated as to the current marital circumstances of Pete and Jordan in any given week, and confirming who exactly may be classed as a bona fide celebrity at any given time. 

In the case of Ireland's VIP, we are also offerred regular exclusive pictorial access into the homes of genuine superstars such as Marty Whelan, Sonny Knowles, Barbara McMahon and the guy who does the weather on TV3.

Anyhoo, got me to wondering as to what would be the best name for a new gossip mag. Here are a few ideas:-

• WAG
• NAG
• SLAG
• TRIPE
• DRIVEL
• SHALLOW
• SWALLOW
• FOLLOW
• HOLLOW
• GOODBYE
• FATUOUS
• SCUM
• WHY?
• WASTE OF TIME

The Ballad of Ronnie Drew

This Late-Late Show 'tribute' to a dying Ronnie Drew was a truely surreal, appalling, tasteless, catastrophic piece of noise, with most of the usual suspects.  They couldn't even wait until he was dead in the grave. 

I wouldn't be at all surprised if this 'celebrity sh*t-fest' didn't just hasten his death...

I wondered at the time why Ronnie didn't just walk out of Montrose and throw himself under the next passing 46A:-



They must have done a few takes on this abomination, as 'the Hedge' appears originally playing an acoustic guitar, then seconds later, is miraculously strumming an electric Gibson Firebird model. Also, Liam O'Maonlai must have been pretty strung out on this as he appears to be holding a banjo for decorative reasons only.

Thankfully, Van Morrison had the good sense to absent himself and Chris de Burgh, Dolores O'Riordan, Twink and Ronan Keating just weren't invited...

Gilberto Gil rocks the house

This is from the late 60's. Gilberto Gil and the Mutantes do 'Domingo no Parque (Sunday in the Park)' at one of the TV festivals which were common at the time.

Gilberto Gil is now minister for culture in Brazil, but at the time was considered a dangerous subversive by the military junta. Here, he is joined by the national orchestra, and by the seminal group 'Os Mutantes' (Rita Lee, Arnaldo Baptisa and his brother Sergio Diaz).

All of these guys were viewed as radicals by the existing government and sent into exile in the turbulent times that abounded in the late 60's.  It was a great opportunity for them to improve their French and English, as Paris and London were the places to go.  At least they were not tortured, drugged, tied up and thrown into the sea from a helicopter, which was the favoured method of exiling artists or those perceived as intellectuals in neighbouring Argentina and Chile...

Rita Lee went on to become the most popular chanteuse in Brazil, and still is to this day. She shedded her links to the Mutantes decades ago, after falling out with her lover Arnaldo, who had serious drug and mental health issues. I got to see Os Mutantes in Dublin a couple of years back. Only Sergio showed up, from the original trio, but it was great nevertheless.