The Ballad of Ronnie Drew

This Late-Late Show 'tribute' to a dying Ronnie Drew was a truely surreal, appalling, tasteless, catastrophic piece of noise, with most of the usual suspects.  They couldn't even wait until he was dead in the grave. 

I wouldn't be at all surprised if this 'celebrity sh*t-fest' didn't just hasten his death...

I wondered at the time why Ronnie didn't just walk out of Montrose and throw himself under the next passing 46A:-



They must have done a few takes on this abomination, as 'the Hedge' appears originally playing an acoustic guitar, then seconds later, is miraculously strumming an electric Gibson Firebird model. Also, Liam O'Maonlai must have been pretty strung out on this as he appears to be holding a banjo for decorative reasons only.

Thankfully, Van Morrison had the good sense to absent himself and Chris de Burgh, Dolores O'Riordan, Twink and Ronan Keating just weren't invited...

Gilberto Gil rocks the house

This is from the late 60's. Gilberto Gil and the Mutantes do 'Domingo no Parque (Sunday in the Park)' at one of the TV festivals which were common at the time.

Gilberto Gil is now minister for culture in Brazil, but at the time was considered a dangerous subversive by the military junta. Here, he is joined by the national orchestra, and by the seminal group 'Os Mutantes' (Rita Lee, Arnaldo Baptisa and his brother Sergio Diaz).

All of these guys were viewed as radicals by the existing government and sent into exile in the turbulent times that abounded in the late 60's.  It was a great opportunity for them to improve their French and English, as Paris and London were the places to go.  At least they were not tortured, drugged, tied up and thrown into the sea from a helicopter, which was the favoured method of exiling artists or those perceived as intellectuals in neighbouring Argentina and Chile...

Rita Lee went on to become the most popular chanteuse in Brazil, and still is to this day. She shedded her links to the Mutantes decades ago, after falling out with her lover Arnaldo, who had serious drug and mental health issues. I got to see Os Mutantes in Dublin a couple of years back. Only Sergio showed up, from the original trio, but it was great nevertheless.

Ceann Comhairle John O’Donoghue wants to introduce slavery

In an move that may provoke controversy, Fianna Fail Ceann Comhairle John'ODonoghue has given the green light to the introduction of slavery.

Following meetings with high-powered EU colleagues, the eminent politician John O’Donoghue explained that he had experienced controversial personal transport expense issues recently, which spawned the idea that, rather than sit around on their backsides, the unemployed would be better put to use by ferrying him around on their shoulders, in a 'Cleopatra'-type manner.  O'Donoghue produced a drawing to further illustrate his scheme.

John O'Donoghue's vision of slave-based ministerial transport.

The very respected (and not at all corrupt) politician was at pains to make it clear that, in his vision, all races would be used as slaves, if his plans come to fruition, but that people from Kerry would be exempt. "It will be an equitable scheme", he announced. He further pointed out that his idea would greatly reduce carbon emissions. "The slaves wouldn't produce much carbon - maybe some methane, but we would feed them proper. So the Greens would have nothing to moan about", he explained in his scientific way.

"I am sick and tired of the liberal media whinging about my travel expenses.  Everyone knows that the Irish Times and the Sunday Tribune are chock full of communists and trouble-makers.  My plan has cross-party support - it is imperative that, when carrying out ministerial duties, a proper sense of pomp and circumstance is maintained when it comes to modes of transport. Otherwise, we might as well act like plebs and take the bus. I have every right to spend 4 grand a night in the best hotels.  I only wish my wife didn't always have to accompany me on the goverment jet on some of those freebies fact-finding missions to Paris, Las Vegas or Cannes, otherwise I would have been spending even more of the tax-payers' money on whores and the finest liqueurs and champagnes. So there!"

"We will use our African negroes Nigerians, native Irish unemployed people from Limerick and West Dublin, and the Polish and Mauritians also.  Sure lookit - if they can stand up, we will use them.  I am never again going to suffer the indignity of taking a 2-minute walk to board my first-class flights at Dublin Airport, when I could be carried aloft like a perfumed Persian prince of times past", commented the hugely popular Kerry man.

Renowned international human rights legal expert, Senator David Norris expressed his initial outrage at the idea, but calmed down somewhat when Mauritian guys were mentioned as potential slaves. " Oooh the very idea!", he slobbered. "Those delicious brown-skinned young men... Will they be oiled up and topless? Their nipples standing out like bullets in the inclement Irish weather? Or shall I have to do the oiling myself?", he pondered, while foaming at the mouth...

"I do find the walk to the Senate quite tiring these days, so a coterie of slaves to carry me around has its attractions; The human rights issues are secondary in this case".


"I'll take four Mauritian youths and another four muscular Eastern-European types please!"

Tune of the Day - Allman Brothers Band

This is a rare 'oldie but goodie' from the Fillmore East ballroom in New York. The Allman Brothers Blues Band, knocking out Greg Allman's 'Whipping Post' in jam style. There was never, and never will be a band to compare with the Allmans. This performance was one that I think was included on the famous 'Live at Fillmore East' double album. Duane Allman hits a couple of bum notes towards the end.

Band leader Duane Allman, at that time, was making a name for himself as THE premier session guitar player in the rock milieu, going on to support Clapton on the Layla album. On this one, he duels with Dickey Betts who after a couple of years eventually assumed the leadership of the band, after the death of Duane (age 24) within a few months of this being recorded.

Little brother Greg Allman, who wrote this song to ask his brother to get off his back, was a competent vocalist and organist, but a real screwup; He even married Cher in the mid-70s; The marriage was dissolved after about a week, when Cher figured out just how much heroin Greg was on.

As well as the guitar battle, the two drummers Jaimoe and Butch Trucks seem to be having a rare old war, but always keeping perfect time. Jaimoe had a big jazz background, so it is obvious that he is leading and Butch is watching him for the changes.
The 2 drummer thing is interesting - later copied by the 'Doobie Brothers', 'Steely Dan' and 'Adam and the Ants'!

Heavy bassist Berry Oakey died one year after Duane in a similar motorcycle accident. This threw the 'brothers' into further chaos but they regrouped and released occasionally good music throughout the 70s.

One thing about the ABBB was that they never sunk to Lowest Common Denominator levels by parading around as a 'good old boy, Dixie-whistling' southern band, like semi-racists Lynyrd Skynyrd, who followed in their trail.

Anyhoo, they are back together these days (Greg, Jaimoe, Butch), with Butch Truck's nephew Derek doing the Duane Allman lead & slide guitar role, to great acclaim. Hope they come to Europe some day...

Here is one of the most recent appearances, live on Letterman:



Jayzus - look at the hair on them. Wouln't want to be the cleaner who has to do the shower after this mob has been and gone!

PlayTV - Say it ain't so, Derval?

Derval Mellett: "At least I don't have to eat Goulash anymore"

In a move that will shock Irish entertainment circles to the very foundations, it seems that TV3's stunning PLAY TV presenter Derval Mellett has parted company with the show.

Talented trained actress Derval was reportedly becoming increasingly unhappy at having to rip off a succession of boggers, skangers, pensioners and underage callers every other night with unsolvable quiz games in an 'interactive' show which 99.99999% of callers were never able to interact with. Things came to a head when Derval realised that her own grandmother may lose her house after re-mortgaging it to fund her  obsessive nightly PlayTV calls.

Also, Derval was frustrated at being paid only the minimum wage of the country in which the show is filmed - Hungary.

This means that PlayTV are left with just 2 of their crack presenting team - the suave boy-next-door J.G. and the shrill, slightly psychotic girl-next-door Fiona. Plans are afoot to quickly replace Derval with a losing contestant from TV3's recent 'Total eXposure' reality show. One of the fey ones, I'm guessing...

Derval meanwhile is being treated for exhaustion, swine flu and malnutrition in her Ma's place in Blanchardstown.  She has tentatively accepted an offer to appear in the Aladdin panto at the Mullingar Community Centre this xmas with Stephen Gately, Samantha Mumba (and her frankly odd alien-looking young brother), Twink, Derek Davies (as the genie), the Billy Barry Kids, the Scissors Sisters (who hope soon to be released temporarily, on good behaviour) and the bald guy with the tache who used to run the garage in 'Fair City'.

Plucky Derval is determined to bounce right back, as soon as she gets well, and is considering a request to do some work as a personal styling assistant at Dublin (and Europe’s) premier styling salon - Brown Cow.

Her mother commented that Derval's phone has not stopped ringing since she got back from Hungary.  "Most of them are prank callers though, saying very, very rude things".  "I wish they would just leave us alone", she sighed.

Derval has already begun work on her autobiography and may have some Hollywood roles in the pipeline, in forthcoming movies from directors such as Jonathan Demme, Stephen Spielberg and Sir Richard Attenborough (in the extremely unlikely event that any of them ask her).